I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
