why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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