Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
