She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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