i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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