Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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