I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
