she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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