How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
