other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You ate ashes out of my bong
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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