Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
