You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
This toilet bowl is my home.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
