I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
