my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
