he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
