yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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