i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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