Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
