Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
