4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
