So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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