How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I wish there were birth control emojis
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
