Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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