did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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