I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
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she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
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I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize