and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
