i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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