no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
