Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
