Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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