My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just blew my weed a kiss
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
