im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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