Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just found puke in my bra..
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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