Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
