M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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