Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
