just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
