never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
