someone get that fucking seahorse.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
