We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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