I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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