Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
