Your tits are I can't wait for
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
