I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
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So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
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See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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