its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
