Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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