I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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