i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I got inside last night via doggy door
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
