I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
