Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
