I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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