So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
