totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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