So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
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He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
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I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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