i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
