the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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