oh god the rape fog is back!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
