i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
