Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
