Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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